On Your Birthday, My Love

2008, Starbucks Gateway, smoking area. 2 friends starting to get to know each other while sipping their own frappucino drinks on 1 weekday afternoon.

I’m trying to recall if I skipped class that day to spend time with him, or I did finish my classes that day. All I could remember was I was enjoying every minute of time talking to him. I was tired of getting in and out of shallow relationships for 2 years, so I cut to the chase of telling him everything about my past. I told myself, that was who I am and that was what I’ve been up to ’til then. It was illogical to share the ugly bits and pieces of my life for someone whom I just met 2 weeks ago, but I figured, what the hell, take it or leave it. I felt deep inside that there was a special connection brewing between the 2 of us and if I wanted to make it last, it should first and foremost be built on honesty and openness. So I took the risk and bared my wounds open to him.

As expected, there was an awkward silence after. And then slowly, tears rolled down his cheeks. I told myself, what’s up for a man to cry in public? People would think that he was my boyfriend and that we were in a fight. But no, seated across was a special friend, willing to make himself appear vulnerable, while uttering the words, “I wish I’ve known you sooner, so you wouldn’t have to experience all the pain and the hurt you’ve been through.” 

After those words was awkward silence once again. This time, though, felt different. We were surrounded by noise all over, but it seems to me that we were being pulled together through love in silence. I knew, from then on that you were special, that I wanted to keep us, that I wanted to make this last.

Who knew that 9 years after, we would still engage ourselves in conversations over coffee? We don’t sip frappes now, but hot coffee. A cup of cappuccino for you me and a cup of mocha for me. We’re not just friends anymore sitting in a cafe, but life partners. It used to be that we were discussing our past to get to know each other better, but now we’re discussing our plans for the future as a family. It’s amazing how God has transformed our relationship so beautifully.

We built the foundation of our relationship on deep conversations day in and out and I don’t have any plans of changing it. To the world, you are the happy, laidback and fun-loving guy who likes to drink and spend a good laugh with friends. To me, you are still the same but much even more than that. Beneath the happy face is a heart overflowing with so much love, care and happiness. And I am darn so lucky to be the daily recipient of this precious abundance within you.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve asked you if there was life after death, or how it feels to breathe one’s last. I’ve always been afraid of death ever since and you never failed to reassure me daily that, as long as we’re breathing, life is a wonderful gift that’s meant to be cherished.

I’m the weaker link between the two of us and I couldn’t count either the number of times I fell along the way, but you were relentless in being there for me all throughout. As to where I am now and to whoever I will be in the years later on, it’s all because of you. For this and for the rest of everything you’ve done, I thank you.

After all these years, I guess I found something more fearful than death. And it’s the fear of losing you.

I can only wish all the beautiful things in life for you, my love, in exchange for the love you’ve showered to me. My constant prayer is for our love to grow stronger over the years, for your good health, contentment of heart and happiness.

Happy 30th Karlo! I love you so much 🙂

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